Most of you would lovingly call me a “fatty” due to my eating habits. I don’t try to deny it, this claim is true. Lately though, I’ve been considering becoming healthier. Yes, I have done some things already, but not anything remotely close to being considered a “healthy eater”. I truly wonder if it will ever be possible for me to be considered that… lol.

I look at the children I nanny for, and yes they have some fatty impulses, but in general, mainly due to their mother’s influence, they eat quite healthy (maybe not enough at times, but what they do eat is generally healthy). When I was a kid, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted. It’s probably because changing one’s diet is generally associated with obesity and other problems which I was never afflicted with. So since I had no outward displays of my “problem”, it was never addressed.

When I got older, my parents were more likely to hint that I should eat healthier or suggest something else to eat instead of my fast food regimen, but I never really listened. Now I really wish I started this whole “think healthy” thing at a young age so it would be more ingrained in my mind and come slightly more naturally. I find myself almost needing to study to figure out what I should do with my diet.

I absolutely love soda, cheese, carbs, fast food, and other terribly unhealthy foods. I really think it is time for a change, not to mention due to my other medical problems that might just force me to change, so I might as well start now so it can become slightly gradual. As of March 9, 2011 (Ash Wednesday), I will be giving up soda and fast food, and adding a lot of praying to my plate as well. Other than my lenten promises, my other goals will be to lower my carb intake and increase my veggie uptake. Wish me luck!! I need all I can get :-P

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Random tantrums as a toddler. Not the best memories, but hey, it’s a memory. What was the first program you had installed? lol

Today started out quite interesting. I had anatomy lab, so I got to wake up at 5am. Then I got to spend the greater portion of lab discussing my flaws with strangers. Yes, this was my choice, odd, I know. I chose to teach the vertebral column mainly because of my ‘flaws’. Just so happens that out of the 3 curvature problems we discuss in the course, I have 2.. but don’t worry, if I get fat or pregnant, odds are I will have all three. So after spending my morning laughing at my terrible genetics/luck, I got to go see a gynecologist. So this part needs some back-story.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) in August 2010. This condition is usually genetic and also usually found in women who are overweight and have diabetes. I am not overweight and don’t have diabetes (well, at least we hope lol).

So now that we are caught up, the reason I made my appointment was to check in because I have missed a few periods. Well, instead of a normal check up, I get to leave the appointment with more questions than answers, yay me. I exit the building with a prescription for Yaz (a birth control that will hopefully manage my periods helping my PCOS), a notecard with “Benign Cystic Teratoma ‘dermoid’ or Fibroma” written on it, and a lab form to allow me to check if I am insulin resistant (hence my hoping I don’t actually have diabetes). Sounds like a great start to the day huh?

Teratoma= Monstrous Tumor. Sounds appealing. Googling does not always ease the mind. I found out that the lump on my left ovary may very well be a monstrous tumor the size of a thumbnail. The sad thing is, the entire time the doctor was explaining what this Teratoma actually was, I couldn’t stop replaying the scene of My Big Fat Greek Wedding with the aunt talking about her parasitic twin. The reason behind this is that this monstrous tumor could very well have bone and hair inside of it. Disgusting. A Fibroma on the other hand is less disgusting, but they both could lead to complications leading to surgery.

Surgery. I’ve never had surgery, unless wisdom teeth count. I also hate scars. So this surgery thing does not sound like something I would like to do, but then again, we always have to do things we don’t enjoy, huh? Either way, I will just have to wait and see. These last few months have really been testing my patience. Medical school applications have beaten me to a pulp. I have tried my best to stay positive, but every time someone asks me about my applications, a little piece of my hope shrivels and dies. I love all my friends who care and hope I do well and achieve my goals, but I still can’t help think that I’m letting them down. Wait, I’m not going to let myself get side tracked just yet. Medical school talk later.

So, early this afternoon I found out even more reasons why I, Michaela, should not reproduce. Yes, I admit I have good qualities, but the bad ones are overwhelming these days. Not to mention just the main complications surrounding the birth in general. PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility and I also have a negative blood type so if I decide to have children with someone who has a positive blood type I will have to deal with complications at birth due to antibodies I would form against my own children. Then, if my very unlikely children pass these crude obstacles, they will most likely have PCOS, scoliosis, kyphosis, and who knows what else! I always joke about getting cancer one of these days too due to my family history. And more about my family hx, lets add cardiovascular problems to that list. And maybe in a few weeks I can add a couple more items.

Gosh, I hate being so negative, but that is why I created this blog, so I can get all these feelings out of my system.

On a lighter note, I love my mother. She is such an amazing woman. I called her after the appointment and we got to laugh about her “amazingly messed up daughter” and why I should let God decide if I should reproduce or not. That woman is truly a miracle. After discussing my treatment options (mainly the birth control since I’m catholic), we parted ways. Then I filled in my boyfriend, and took my long desired nap. Worked for a bit, and watched plenty of TV where I watched others whose illnesses were astronomically worse than my conditions, so this made me feel a little better lol. For some reason my mind wondered back into curiosity about these conditions which led to Googling. Along with my splendid mother, my caring father also decided to call me and offer his opinion. So it’s decided, progesterone to cause a period, and then I’m starting Yaz. Then in three months I shall see if the cyst/tumor on my left ovary has either increased/decreased in size. So back to the waiting game I love so much. But to keep me occupied in the meantime, I will be able to find out whether or not I am insulin resistant and if Ari’s post op appointment goes well.

Now, back to Medical School. Sometimes I even wonder if this is what I truly want to do. I don’t admit this often, but it’s true, I have questioned it time to time. Most people would agree, this pathway is most likely the path I should take because I love anatomy and medicine, but one has to wonder. Then, there is medical school applications. So instead of questioning my career choice, I’m questioning my abilities. Am I smart enough? Am I ambitious enough? Am I involved enough? If you would have asked me these questions last year, I would have said yes, lately, I’m not so sure. Don’t get me wrong tho, I will not give up, but this process is trying my patience. Lately, instead of hoping for interviews to prove myself (which I truly think I would be able to do), I have been planning my inevitable plans in my years off before applying again. Some would say this is pessimistic, but I call it being realistic. I have outlandish plans such as going to Argentina to work at a clinic and learn to speak spanish along with online masters programs, and even as crazy as applying to ANTM. But I also have thoughts such as, Will I have to retake my MCATs? Who will write me letters of recommendation this time around? Will I take too many years off and lose my wits? Will I take too many years off and limit the time I will have to create a family? Uggghh, these thoughts are overwhelming and ridiculous all at the same time. I look in my past and all I have to say is, whatever happens, I will be able to work through it and become whatever I choose to become.

La vita e bella.